So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
