I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
