chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
