6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
