I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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