I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
