I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
