This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
