I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
