there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
