Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
