Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
