Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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