the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
