At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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