Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
