Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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