I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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