I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
