i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
