Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
