i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
