Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
