sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
