He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
