Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
