I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
