The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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