you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
