Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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