if you like me you must not know who I am
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
