so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
