i was born a porn star she said
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
True strength comes from lack of pants
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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