Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
