We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
