Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
