My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
