Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
