His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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