hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
