Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
