I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
