she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
