I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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