Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
