is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
