I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
