Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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