My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
