2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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