Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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