I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
